I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
Presents are the only form of revenge left for cultured people.
We want a few mad people now. See where the sane ones have landed us.
I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book.
Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.
Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two.
Many people spend more time planing the wedding than they do planning the marriage.
A pessimist is somebody who complains about the noise when opportunity knocks.
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.